Sometimes I write stuff that has no useful place in the known universe.
Until now...
Transcript of Police Interview
Date: 15/2/04
Suspect Warren Troy
Troy: Then he steps up onto the ledge of the apartment block and as he goes to leave I said, "Hey, thanks for saving me." Then he goes "Anytime you're in Gotham you're…" but he stood on something loose and it just broke off, and he was gone. And there was this thwack, like…. I don't know... a watermelon hitting a car…
Officer 1: How did you know this?
Troy: What?
Officer 1: How do you know what a watermelon sounds like when it hits a car?
Troy: Oh… I don't. I guess he just sounded like a guy falling fifteen floors in a latex and rubber suit. Anyway I looked over and he's just laying there all sprawled out like a puppet when you cut his strings.
Officer 2: What strings?
Troy: You know, puppet strings.
Officer 1: You were talking to a puppet?
Troy: What?
Officer 1: You were having a talk to a puppet after it saved you?
Troy: No, I’m just trying to explain the picture to you. He looked like a puppet when you cut it’s strings, it just lays there all twisted and bent.
Officer1: Puppets don’t have strings
Officer 2: That's correct. Puppets don’t have strings. They’re like hand puppets. The man puts his hand up the puppet – they don’t use strings
Troy: That's not correct. Look... look... the guy looked like scribble, okay? Human scribble in a bat suit? So I call out...
Officer 2: Hang on... just...does puppet have one 'p' or two?
Officer 1: Just the one.
Officer 2:....
Officer 2:.... alright, continue.
Troy: So I call out... "Hey mister… hey Mister are you okay? Hey! Are you….” And I just stare and he's lying there looking, I don't know… pathetic... I felt sorry for him. Like, he's this big crime fighter, putting terror into the hearts of criminals and he's just lying there. He looked ridiculous… why would an adult do that? Dress up like that? Restricting your vision so that you fall off a flipping building, it was sad.
Officer 1: And was there anyone else?
Troy: Yeah…. then this kid comes out, looking really stupid in a yellow cape and a little black mask and green boots
Officer:1 Green boots?
Troy: You stop me at green boots? And he looks at him and then looks up and starts screaming at me. "You killed him, you killed batman"
Officer 1: Batman.
Troy: Yep. Batman.
Officer 1: The little boy in the red boots.
Troy: Green.. he was in green boots. That’s what he said. “You killed Batman.”
Officer2: That sounds like a confession.
Troy: No… that’s what the kid said. And I'm like, looking around going, "no, he fell… he fell off!"
Officer 1: So you’re saying he just fell off.
Troy: Yeah…but the kid was screaming at me. He reaches for the guy’s belt all the time yelling and yelling, clearly not paying enough attention to whatever he was trying to do. Then suddenly there's this little pop and all this yellow smoke, real weird colour, came hissing out everywhere. Then he's just rolling and screaming, reaching out at nothing…. It was horrible.
Officer 1: So what did you do then?
Troy: I …well.. I pushed the guy on the roof off.
Officer: What?
Troy: The guy who tried to mug me? Yeah, I thought, ‘Man, whose going to protect me when he wakes up?’ So…he was really heavy but I managed to get him off the roof.
Officer 1: And what sort of sound did he make?
Troy: The sort of sound you hear when 110 kilograms of adult male falls on a kid in a yellow cape and green shoes.
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