Teacher phones ape

MONKEYS WITH GUNS: PRICELESS

Part One: The Ape phones

Had the delightful experience of confronting a lunatic today. At the end of the school day one of the female students had received a phone call from the aforementioned lunatic and, in a spirit of ‘older brother’ protectiveness a couple of the male students took the call on her behalf. A crowd rapidly gathered and I was once again caught in a situation that I dearly wished I wasn't. One of them, a Maori kid, listened briefly before he responded with “Who you calling nigga?!” it went downhill from there and off the ravine with another student’s yelled retort “you have gay sex with your gay dad.” Clearly not enough as this individual was harassing 16 year old girls.

Upon asking the girls what was going on one of them explained that this guy had rung them constantly all day long, like 20 times. He chocked up number 21 as I was standing there. The girl articulated clearly that she was not desiring to continue having anything to do with him etcetera etcetera… we could all hear his response. She hung up. After discovering that the girl had in no way solicited the call in any way, I pointed out to her that it was really a matter she could hand on to the police and if she wanted me to I could call this guy and gentle point out that his advances had to stop. Look, whether or not she had given the number out, the guy was still threatening her, just in case you're about to lynch me for suggesting that "the 'ho' asked for it." And just in case you think I'm suggesting that the girl was a 'ho', I was being...forget it.... She's a nice kid, didn't ask for trouble, I have been watching The Godfather and she showed me respect. Anyway, she was more than happy for me to intervene.

Part Two: I phone the ape

So I got the number and approached the appropriate authorities within the school. The person responsible for the particular year group advocated my course of action. So I phoned the individual with great trepidation, rolling over and over in my head the phrase ”Hi, I believe you have been calling a couple of students, aaaaaaaand I’m their teacher and… um…. Yeah, please don’t ring them anymore…please…. Because I’m their teacher… and they feel threatened because you’re not saying things that are nice… “ and wondering how it was going to come out over the phone. The only saving grace is the guy would have no way of really contacting me as he would have to ring the school and then get the call directed through. I wasn't about to give any names.

The phone rang and he answered.

“Yo nigga”

Beat…

“Hi…” I said in an overly chirpy voiced “um… look, this is awkward but I believe you phoned a couple of students at my school and as their teacher I’m just politely warning you that if you don’t stop, this will have to become a police matter.”

“WHO THA F******? DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO????? YOU F******ING C**** I didn’t ring no girls”

At this point I started getting cross.

“Judging by your response, I think you did. Look, if you don’t change the way you're speaking to me I am going to make this a police matter.” I felt like a Wiggle. I wish I felt like Tony Soprano.

“F*** YOU! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO YOU ARE TALKING TO?!!!…. WHAT THE F**** ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU F***** YOU CAN'T RING ME AND TELL ME WHO I CAN AND CAN'T TALK TO!”

“Look, all I’m asking you is to not ring my girls.” Even as I said this I realized that the whole objectivity of my position had just gone out the window… I winced.

“So they’re YOUR girls, you’re a f******ing pedophile F**** YOU I’ve got your number so why don’t I…”

Now I got angry.

“…. NO EINSTEIN YOU DO NOT HAVE MY NUMBER, and this is your last chance to listen to what I am saying.”

“I''m a nineteen year old guy, why would I be ringing school kids. You don’t know whether or not I’ve been ringing anyone.”

“Yeah,” I said “I do know, we’ve all been listening to you when you rang before.” I wanted to add 'pedophile but I felt that would have been inflammatory.

Strangely enough his tone completely changed, I don’t really remember what he said then, but he hung up on me shortly after that. So then I phoned the police, then the girl’s parents who then have the option of going to the police with the guy’s phone number. Failing that, I have some ‘friends’ I could call.