Kissmas

Santa and his Ninjas. Crazy.


Christmas.

It's the time of year for reconciliation and hope. A time when family and friends get the chance to put their differences aside and gather around the manger for quiet reflection. Sure it's commercial, rushed and tends to be a bit stressful but dang it, it's worth it.

As we sit around the Christmas tree sipping eggnog with Christmas carols playing in the background and laughing together at this or that, suddenly, quietly there comes a disquieting sense that you're merely acting out something you saw in a film. In fact, it's 35 degrees and everyone has jumpers on. As you step out of your chair, eggnog smashing in slow motion to the floor you realize there's a blazing fire and the heat has sent you stark raving mad. You rip off the santa hat and the jumper, exposing your black t-shirt. Pointing to everyone who have now frozen in toothy smiles with looks of confusion you scream out the command to turn the shiny poisonous music off.

You sink to your knees, fists at your ears, eyes squeezed tightly shut....

Christmas.


Look I don't hate Christmas... it's just that Christmas and me don't speak so much anymore. We both decided it was better for all involved, you know (conspiratorial whisper) the kids.

Actually I do hate Christmas, but if I opened this entry with "My giddy aunt I hate Christmas..." most people may very well go "Well there's a surprise..." and go and spend their time on a less dysfunctional activity.

But let me explain.

The whole thing tears me up because I can't make up my mind. I wouldn't want to call for an end to Christmas, not that anyone's asking me to make that decision for them. Cut to:

(It's a darkened room, like those war rooms you see in Armageddon and million other stupid films full of men in uniform)
General (sweat drips from his forehead): It's time to call it Mr. Limb
The camera pans taking in anxious faces.
Limb: (Head down teeth clenched, he suddenly looks up): Burn him, burn the fat man.... end Christmas.
General: We have it men, GO GO GO!
It's pandemonium in the room as men run through the room with guns - a massive computer display featuring a flashing Santa with a cross through him with the title:

MISSION: Burn Fat Boy, Burn.

Anyway I digress. Not that anyone's about to ban Christmas. If people decided to ban Christmas I'd worry about a future event involving empty streets with newspaper and tumble weeds wandering listlessly about with gray houses filled with miserable children staring at an empty corner. I'm not ready to call it quits, but nor do I want the ordeal. You see I'm jammed.

The arguments for it aren't compelling.

1.It's a time for family to get together.
Let's face it, if that's the only time the family gets together then maybe it isn't worth the trouble, I mean they're not busting their guts to get together at any other point in the year. Should these people really be in the same room together with a surplus of food and alcohol.

2.Gift giving.
Love presents - but I don't like presents given under compunction. They end up being shit. You know I like the way Patrick thinks about things. He's a fan of coming across something and thinking "Such and such would like this..." Versus scrambling about a few weeks or even days before the event grabbing anything that looks substantial in wrapping paper. A possible solution is to do something along the lines of Patrick's idea, but hold onto until Christmas. If you are that organized chances are you probably don't enjoy Christmas, it will kill you or alternatively it all becomes such a competition for you that you should not be allowed to participate on the grounds that you are in danger of turning the whole thing into a Jihad.

3. Jesus' Birthday
No, it wasn't.
Here's a little history of Christmas
Here's a little something about the date of Jesus' birth
and here's something else
Yeah but it's an opportunity for people who don't go to church to, you know, go to church. See point number 1.

Having said all that there are some people that just love doing the cards and the presents and all the other cute red and white celebratory stuff and at the end of the day you've just got to let them be, live and let live. Unless of course they start imposing their views on you. Then it's time to burn the fat man.






This image was going to be my title image. But then I thought about it and... well, here it is for your viewing pleasure. I couldn't pull my eyes away there's just so much that's... wrong. Go to the website - many other images, many.

taken from: http://www.dudeirock.com/
worth checking out if you have a moment or two...

Oh, and then I found this. Always loved this guy, but this is really something else.