Eating people is wrong I think

I convinced my Year Nine students that there was nothing wrong with eating human flesh….

No, really.

It all started innocently enough. I wanted to challenge their world view and they wandered into my classroom with something that smelt a lot like ambivalence.

I smell it when I walk to work past the dog kennels after it has rained.

But yes, we talked about the values present in other cultures and someone rolled their eyes. Eye rolling is the equivalent of someone producing a small side arm and firing it at heavily armed militia.

I proceeded as one who stood little to lose.

“Yes… well, seeing we are merely a sophisticated animal, and people eat animals, I can’t see the harm of eating a human being.”

Laughter.

“No really, I wouldn’t kill a human being, like murder someone and proceed to eat them. But you know, just eating them.”

Less laughter, but nevertheless laughter.

“No, like if they wanted to be euthanized or painlessly removed from this life then sure I’d eat them. Why waste perfectly good flesh.”

Almost silence now. I’m wondering when I will stop.

Student: What do people taste like?

“Well (clearly I have no intention of stopping until I’m sitting before a disciplinary committee), contrary to what some people will tell you, human flesh tastes like really salty pork.”

I screw up my face at this point.

“But I’ve found that if you soak it, or better yet stew it, it comes up ok.”

And now to really drive home the horror. I start by laughing quietly.

“Of course, the wonderful thing is I can say all of this to you and you won’t believe me. Then again even if you did believe me what are you going to do about it? You’re Westerners. You’ll listen, be morally outraged and then wander off to the next thing that distracts you. You won’t actually do anything. Will you?”

There is no laughter. Someone shifts uncomfortably in their chair, and my slightly glazed eyes roll over to them whence upon a leer a slight smile. “Don’t worry, I won’t eat any of you. You’re fee paying students… Of course, you go and get yourselves expelled then all bets are off… but I’m just saying, until that day comes... and I trail off. Heck, some of the students even debated quietly amongst themselves whether or not it was illegal to eat another human being. I did not get the last laugh though. I had a gander at the student’s journal writing after my class. This particular entry was written by a quaint little red headed girl.

"If you/people want to eat other people that would be alright, just don't tell anyone"

Sometimes I lie awake at night thinking about the things I’ve done. Sometime.